We took Hypatia to her first visit with her new vet today! We had been putting off taking her back to the old vet for her rabies and distemper vaccine updates, because we didn't really like the old vet. The doctor was fine, but the clinic itself wasn't great about communicating with us when we took her to get spayed.

The new vet is the one my parents take their doggy to, and it's also much closer to our house. Miss H was kind of freaked out, especially when there were some barking noises coming from behind the door, and she wouldn't stay on the scale to be weighed so it was hard to get a reading on that. But she didn't cry out or even flinch when she got vaccinated, just shed black and white fur all over the place. The vet gave her a clean bill of health and said her new vaccines will be good for three years. She also said Hypatia has a great face. <3.

This gets me one step closer to my dream of fostering kittens, because now teh kitty is up to date on shots and certified healthy. I've been so depressed this week, though, that I'm finding myself going "They'll never approve me to foster kittens, my apartment is too small and how could I ever think I would be a good person to do that," and other defeatist messages. I have this vision of the humane society people coming here and scrutinizing my apartment with disapproving looks on their faces. And then they'll turn me down and also never give me a job there because they think I'm irresponsible.

I don't know if the depression is due to the medication change or the fact that for my birthday my parents are no longer helping support me financially so I have to find a full-time job with health benefits (that start RIGHT AWAY), like, tomorrow. I don't want it to be the meds because if it's the meds then my doc will probably put me back on the higher dose of wellbutrin which gave me heart palpitations and shortness of breath. I would rather not have to be on a med that makes me feel like I'm going to pass out. That's not one of those things like dry mouth that's annoying but tolerable. It's more... scary. I feel like I can't exert myself at all, and any little bit of anxiety triggers the not being able to breathe feeling.

(Either that or he will put me on a new med entirely and then I will have to get used to that. While job searching.)

But if it's not the meds then I'm stuck in this endless loop of, I'm super depressed, but i have to find a job, but I don't feel capable of doing that while I'm depressed, but if I don't get a job I can't afford my therapy and meds... etc.

Yay.

I'm thinking of doing BEDA (Blog Every Day April), an idea of Maureen Johnson's that seems to have grown into a Thing that other people are doing too. I don't think it'd be too much of a challenge for me to post every day, but making a public post every day might be difficult. I feel safer with that little lock around.

This week's Wacky Wellbutrin Side Effect: I'm not hungry. I eat breakfast, and then I just sort of forget about lunch, and then I'm feeling woozy and strange by dinnertime. It's worrying, but on the other hand it's kind of nice to not worry about how much I'm spending on food.

I've also been craving dairy. I've been partly satisfying this craving by eating a lot of Tofutti mini ice cream sandwiches, but I was practically in tears with longing for a grilled cheese sandwich on Friday. And my stomach is often unhappy with what I do give it. It wants cheese! And real ice cream! And things with cream sauces!

Pondering what to do with my tax return, besides pay off my credit card. It's not enough for a Macbook, which is the only expensive thing I really want right now. I'm thinking a new Lomo, and I should also save some of it, although a large part of me wants to spend it all on spinny skirts and cute shoes and jewelry. Oh, and retro swimsuits. **THINGS** O.O

In other news, I can't listen to anything that isn't Middle Cyclone these days. I want to crawl inside her voice. It's already up there with Blacklisted in terms of quality, and I think I might actually like it better. Time will tell though; right now I'm just in love with every word. I even like the frogs.