2012 in review

  • Dec. 31st, 2012 at 8:44 AM
notemily: (hunger games - the mockingjay)
Well, I know I haven't made a LiveJournal post since (*checks*) July, but today is December 31st, and to let the year end without a year-in-review post on LJ just feels wrong. So, without further ado:

Media things

Best book of 2012: Bitterblue by Kristin Cashore. Hands down. Granted I didn't read many books this year that were actually released this year, but this book speaks to me on a level few others match, to the extent that my therapist suggested using it in our sessions. It also gave me a completely new appreciation for Fire, which I had previously been meh about.
Best book of 2012 not written in 2012: The only other new read I gave five stars to this year was Poison Study by Maria Snyder. It's pretty amazing, but my enthusiasm for it has been dampened by how disappointing the sequels, especially the "Glass" series, were. The world had so much promise, and the subsequent books rarely lived up to that potential, and sometimes had really unfortunate implications. So if you're going to read the book, do yourself a favor and stop there.
Authors of the year: I read 14 books by Tamora Pierce this year and 12 by Seanan McGuire/Mira Grant. They both have series(...es?) that are extremely addictive, and though they write for different age groups, I recommend their books to all fantasy fans who like kickass female heroines. My favorites: Squire and Emperor Mage by Pierce, and the heart-wrenching short story In Sea-Salt Tears by McGuire. And yes, those are all later books/stories that you have to read the earlier books in the series to get to. Muahahahaha.
Chapter of the year: Chapter 26 of Feed. LIFE-DESTROYING.

Also: This year I finally finished my Goodreads Challenge of reading 50 books! I think next year I'll up it to 75. I would like to thank the awesome women who write addicting fantasy series for this achievement.

Musical artists listened to most: According to last.fm, they were Fun., the New Pornographers, Florence + the Machine, Tegan and Sara, and Neko Case. This year was the year I really got into Tegan and Sara, who are amazing.
Favorite songs of 2012:
- Look, I really like "Gangnam Style". It's fun and dancey and strangely subversive once you research the lyrics. Plus, PSY just looks like he's having so much fun. Video: Eeeeeey, sexy lady!
- My love for it has faded a bit due to overexposure, but I can't not mention "Some Nights". The fact that a song I loved this much got so popular warms my heart. You mean regular people really like harmonies and power-pop and Nate Ruess's voice? ME TOO! Let's be friends! Video: This is it boys, this is war.
- "Ho Hey" by the Lumineers is a sweet, simple love song that makes me smile. "I don't know where I belong / I don't know where I went wrong / but I can write a song." Yep, sounds about right. Video: I'd be standing on Canal and Bowery.
- This didn't come out this year, but I discovered it only recently: "Settle Down" by Kimbra. I have Alan to thank for introducing me to this gorgeous song that's more than a little bit unsettling. Video: On just one knee for now.
- Honorable mentions: Of Monsters and Men - "Little Talks", Imagine Dragons - "It's Time", Gotye - "Somebody That I Used to Know", Taylor Swift - "We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together" (Like... ever.), Jay-Z & Kanye West - "N***as in Paris"
- Guilty pleasure: Maroon 5. Yeah, I know. I can't help it if One More Night is catchy as hell.

Best movie seen in theaters: Come on, did anyone really think I was going to award this to something other than The Hobbit? It's not the best movie ever made (or even the best Middle-earth movie ever made), but I just want to love it and squeeze it and call it George. Martin Freeeeeeman.
Movie I regret not seeing in theaters: The Hunger Games. It was amazing and so true to the book, especially visually.

Favorite TV show discovered this year: Teen Wolf. Shut up. It's one of those shows that's deceptively mainstream, but a lot of thought goes into it if you look past the hott dudes with no shirts on. Although there's that, too. Female gaze FTW.
Honorable mention: The Legend of Korra. It's no Avatar, but it tries.
Best rediscovery: Dollhouse. I never finished watching it the first time, but watching it again for Mark Watches I'm catching all sorts of nuance and awesomeness I didn't see before. Also TOPHER MY HEART.

Life stuff

Biggest life change of 2012 (positive): I got a job motherfucker. It is such a relief to be able to support myself! Working full-time is something I wasn't even sure I would be able to do, but I've been doing it for six months now and so far I'm not dead.
Biggest life change of 2012 (negative): I like my job, but I am really sad that it makes me so busy and tired that I can't foster kittens anymore. I miss my kitties so much. I haven't had one since Pippin and he was almost a year ago... but I remember how overwhelming it was even while working only 20 hours a week, and I know I'd run myself ragged if I tried to do it now. Someday, perhaps, I will be able to foster again. In the meantime, I have my own kitty and she is wonderful (and I'm sure especially happy that I'm not fostering anymore), but I miss getting to know all the different kitty personalities, and there's something special about the teeny-tiny ones. They're challenging and rewarding and when you finally earn their trust and love, it's a wonderful thing.

Speaking of tiny creatures--If it was a big year for me, it was huge for my niecelet, who turned 1 this year. I mean, she learned to walk and run and talk and do sign language! How awesome is that? Even though I only get to see her every few months, I love watching her grow up. She's not just "aww, cute baby" anymore--she's turning into a person.

I hope everyone has an awesome New Year's Eve. Happy 2013!


  • Jun. 18th, 2012 at 1:07 PM
notemily: (hunger games - the mockingjay)
Soooooo I have a job! A real job, with full-time hours and benefits and everything! I can support myself! I am no longer dependent on my parents! Yay!!

I haven't updated the eljay in forever, but I figured I should because for once I have actual news. I applied for this job last October, and after six months of what I assume was bureaucratic gear-grinding behind the scenes, they finally notified me that I was qualified to take the Civil Service Exam that would be the next step to getting the job. So I took the standardized test in March, had to wait two more months for results, went for interviews in May, and heard about the job on my birthday, June 7. Whew. I feel like years have passed in the past month. To the point that I was actually startled when I saw my niece's birthday balloon a couple of days ago, because I thought it had been much longer since her birthday than it was. (The niece is one year old now! She can walk!)

The job is with the Milwaukee Public Library, which covers all the branches within the city limits including the main branch downtown, but I'll be working at the East branch which is like a ten-minute walk from my house. Score. It's also my childhood library, where I discovered everything from the Alice books to Katherine Applegate's teen romances to Terry Pratchett. They're going to do a complete re-building of the site starting next year, and that should take about a year (by estimates, but we all know how construction projects run long), which means that for at least a year they'll have to squeeze the library into what will probably be a much smaller space. I don't know how long I'll be working there, but I'm excited to see the new building once it's done. That particular library is, IMO, long overdue for a new space.

It's going to be really strange to not work at Shorewood anymore, since I've given that library seven and a half years of my life. (Or to look at it another way, the majority of my twenties.) I only have one more week of my old job and then I start the new job. In between, Alan and Trish are coming to visit for the weekend, which OMG YAY. I haven't seen them in over a year. I'm currently working on de-allergizing the house for Alan, who is allergic to everything breathable, including, possibly, air.

And it's summertime, which is my favorite here in Milwaukee, and I'm 29 now and I don't have to feel bad about that since I can finally support myself, and once I get into the swing of the job I'm going to see about getting new kittens and saving up for travel and all the things I have been wanting to do for years and not been able to because of money. I feel like I can finally breathe a huge sigh of relief.
notemily: Photo of me, a white girl in her mid-20s, wearing glasses, smiling, looking up and to the right (ravenclaw)
I don't really like making New Year's Resolutions. It sounds too mandatory, and then when you fail, you feel like crap. What I like to make are Goals. Goals can be met or unmet; the point is to have something to aim for.

Goal #1: Read 50 books! This has been my goal for the past three years; I have yet to meet it. Well, I met it in 2008 when I was in school, but I'm pretty sure my goal was 100 that year. Maybe I should make my goal 100 and then I'll get to 50? *pondering Iroh face*

Widgets make things more fun:

2012 Reading Challenge

2012 Reading Challenge
Sophie has read 0 books toward her goal of 50 books.

Goal #2: Blog moar! Which I am doing at this very moment. I remember liking Blog Every Day April when Duncan and I did it that one time, because it challenged me to think of something vaguely interesting to say for each entry. It also takes away the excuse of "Aw, nobody wants to read my ramblings about crime shows and cats! My life is so boring and nobody reads this journal because I suck!" TOO BAD. BLOG ANYWAY.

Goal #3: Do more things. This is the vaguest goal ever, I know, but it makes sense in my head. Basically I want to build up more change energy, which helps combat my usual paralysis. I want to listen to more new music, read more books, watch more movies, see more people, go more places, eat more good food. Be more active. I still have a very limited amount of both money and spoons, so it might be a challenge, but I spend a lot of time not doing things, and this year I would like to do more things.

I think three is enough. These are all relatively small things, low-pressure, fun to do, and most importantly, they are all under my control. Oh, and my fourth goal is to not beat myself up if I don't meet the other three goals, because that defeats the purpose of having goals in the first place.

I will leave you with a bit of wisdom from [livejournal.com profile] cleolinda to start the New Year: S'up, 2012.

2011 year in review

  • Jan. 1st, 2012 at 2:04 AM
notemily: Photo of me, a white girl in her mid-20s, wearing glasses, smiling, looking up and to the right (Default)
Well, I took Pippin back to the Humane Society yesterday. They said he'd go for surgery that day and be up for adoption late today, but I didn't see him up on the website so I'm betting he'll have to wait until Tuesday (they're closed New Year's Day and there are no adoptions on Mondays). I hope he goes to a lovely home with people who will appreciate his rascally-yet-sweet personality! Preferably with another kitten or high-energy cat, since he really needs someone to wrassle.

I don't usually do year-in-review memes, but I feel like it right now. This year has been kind of depressing overall. Well, I shouldn't say that. The past few months have been really depressing. Before that it was going allright. But the stress of being poor and not having a real job has been overwhelming recently. And there's no end in sight. 2012, please be better.

Meme via [personal profile] newredshoes.

2011 year in review meme )

Reading over this, I feel like I barely did anything this year. I didn't read very many books, see many movies, meet many people, discover much music. I just sort of existed and tried not to feel too hopeless and depressed. I did meet some lovely kitties, though, and they took up a lot of my free time, so maybe it's not so surprising. (Also, I had no money to do anything.) We'll see how 2012 goes. *side-eyes 2012*

Mostly-kitten update, now with bonus rant

  • Jul. 29th, 2010 at 11:12 PM
notemily: (misc - 5 kitties need homes)
I took the kits to the vet today for their second checkup. The verdict: I get them for another week, and then if they're completely better at that point, they'll go up for adoption. Ramona needs to stop with the diarrhea, so we're stopping her antibiotics and the vet gave me some other medicine for her. Oliver is still sneezing and having a snotty nose, so the vet switched his antibiotic to one that will hopefully work better.

The biggest change from last week is how BIG they are. Oliver gained ANOTHER NINE OUNCES!! Go Oliver! Ramona only gained a couple of ounces, because of her stomach troubles, but at least she didn't lose weight. The kittens are almost exactly the same weight now! That boggles my mind. Oliver was such a scrawny thing when I got them!

While I was at the vet, I saw two women, a mother and daughter I think, surrender a kitten. (The place where you go for foster kitties is the same room for surrendering animals.) Apparently their cat had kittens (spay and neuter your pets, people!), and all the others got adopted, but this one got really sick and nobody would take her. She was sneezy and her eyes were puffy and she had stains from nose and eye discharge. They said she was twelve weeks old, but she was smaller than my eight-week-old kits. :( :( She had beautiful long hair and looked super soft, but I didn't touch her because I didn't want to infect my own kitties. She looked soooo sad and scared that they were giving her up. She kept mewing in fear. :(

I guess they didn't have enough money for the vet bills for her, plus the daughter was moving away and couldn't keep the kitten. They even balked at the $35 dollar fee the Humane Society asks when you surrender an animal, so the guy behind the counter said they don't make you pay if you can't afford it, but he gave them a whole speech about how it will probably take hundreds of dollars in vet bills to get this kitten better, and they're a non-profit, so the fee is for a purpose.

Ranting time: When you get a pet, you take on a responsibility. You can't just give up the pet when it's not convenient for you. If you think you might have to do that later, don't get a pet. And FFS, spay your cat if kittens are going to be a problem for you. Kittens get sick. They get sick EASILY. They're not just fluffy little purrballs, they take a lot of work (I know exactly how much now!) and just as much responsibility as having an adult cat. As much as I would have loved to see Hypatia with little tiny versions of herself, I knew I couldn't take care of like SIX MORE CATS if that happened.

I know there are circumstances where people have to give up their pets and it can't be helped, but there are a lot of times where it's preventable, too. When you get a pet or are thinking of getting a pet, think ahead to the animal's future. If you don't think you will want a pet in five or ten years (e.g. if you're planning on having kids and won't want a pet around the baby), you can always adopt an older pet instead of a tiny kitten or puppy. They need homes too, and often have a hard time finding them.

I learned while I was there that while the Humane Society does not offer vet services, they DO offer spaying and neutering services, on a sliding scale based on income. SO if you have a pet that's not altered, and you can't afford the vet bills, get thee to the Humane Society and fill out the forms!

Okay, rant over.

I wonder what will happen to that little kit. I hope she goes to a good foster home with people who can take care of her while she recovers from her illness. I hope she's not too sick to cure. :( I think I would have offered to take her home for fostering on the spot, if I didn't have Oliver and Ramona. Sick animals bring out my protective instinct.

In other kitten news, Hypatia taught Ramona how to growl! Or rather, Ramona learned it from watching Hypatia. ("I learned it from you, dad! I learned it from watching you!!") Hypatia tends to hiss and growl when she sees a kitten, which happens more often now that they have learned that they can slip out the door pretty easily when I open it to go in or out. And after the latest Hypatia encounter, Ramona started playing with the string on one of my drawstring skirts hanging in the closet, and she growled at it! It was kind of adorable in an "at least it's a string and not a person" kind of way.

Ramona has also been a little sweeter lately. Today, she even came up to me for purrs and petting, which boggled my mind. Maybe she learned it from watching Oliver? Anyway, I'm glad she's "socializing," as they say. The kittens even get to see a kid tomorrow--Kate's little cousin Rose is coming over to pet them. I'll be at work, but I'd love to see how they act around kids.

Oliver did something a little troubling the other day--I put down a bowl of food for them, he started eating, and then Ramona came over to eat some, and he actually batted her away with his paws. Possessive of food is not a good thing for a pet to be, so I said "no!" and pulled him away so Ramona could eat, and he hasn't shown any signs of that since. It's something to keep an eye on though.

IN NON-KITTEN NEWS (finally), I applied for the job in Amherst! I even wrote a cover letter and everything, with Rose's help. I feel all adult ("Go to the motherf*cking BANK like an ADULT") now. Even if I don't get the job, it was good practice for applying to future jobs. And I know how to do a cover letter now, because Rose is awesome.

I'm pretty exhausted and still not doing much other than kittens, but I'm not unhappy. Sometimes it's good to have something that keeps me busy, as long as it's something I care about.
notemily: Photo of me, a white girl in her mid-20s, wearing glasses, smiling, looking up and to the right (misc - kitty with milk)
Whew, I'm starting to get a little kittened out. That's probably common for foster mamas (and parents of actual babies as well). The kits are adorable and awesome, but they require constant supervision, and constant cleaning-up-after, and I often feel like I need a break.

Yesterday Ramona thought a piece of dried-up poo from the litter box would make a fabulous toy, so that was fun. And I have to vacuum out the cage and the floor around it at least once a day, because litter gets EVERYWHERE. Add this to twice-a-day antibiotics, making sure Hypatia is taken care of, and constantly having to teach the kittens not to claw/bite humans or cords, and it's kind of exhausting. I have to let them out every few hours to get their energy out, and I feel like I haven't had much time to take care of myself. Right now I don't have the energy for everyday stuff like doing the dishes, or cooking, laundry, or showering regularly. Let alone posting the 3247239734893489 kitten pictures I have in my iPhoto.

But I know it's only temporary, and I get like this whenever there's a break in my usual routine, so I'm not too worried. In the meantime I do like having the little monsters around. They're very sweet when they finally tire themselves out and come sleep on my bed. Oliver is still a little purr machine, and Ramona is getting to know what things will get her in trouble, so she's been slightly easier. I also figured out that the way to get her to use the scratcher was to lean it against the wall, and now she LOVES it. I might mount it on the wall permanently after they leave, for other kittens to use. (Although--how do you disinfect stuff like that?)

I do worry that she beats up on Oliver too much though. The vet says Oliver will catch up to her in size soon enough and she won't be able to bully him so much, but in the meantime he's always the one I hear crying for her to stop. They go after each other pretty evenly, but Ramona is more vicious and will never admit defeat, she just keeps fighting.

Last night they did something--not sure what--I heard a crash like something fell over, but I didn't see anything on the floor that wasn't already on the floor--and whatever it was, it spooked Oliver REALLY badly. He made himself into a big porcupiney puffball and hissed up a storm. Ramona, of course, still wanted to "play" (which means fight), so I put her in the cage to give Oliver some space to calm down. He walked around wide-eyed and was startled by everything that moved for a while, but eventually he was his usual purr-y self, and I gave him some extra pets to soothe him. I think he could use a break from his high-energy sis sometimes.

I've started to open the door a crack to let Hypatia see/smell the kittens, just to get her used to having tinycats around. She still hisses/growls at them every time, though. I can tell she really wants to come in my room, but not if THEY are there. The kittens themselves are super curious about Hypatia. Oliver puffs up a bit in reaction to her hissing, but Ramona is like "OH YAY A NEW CAT FOR ME TO PLAY-FIGHT," and she keeps trying to escape to pounce on Hypatia. She's pretty fearless. I realized today that she reminds me of Tanner when he was a puppy--he always had to be in charge, and could get pretty vicious if you tried to play with him, especially if it was a dominance game. He's much more mellow now, though, so maybe she'll calm down when she's older.

I read a site that said that in order to get older cats used to kittens, one of the things you can do is feed the cat treats when she's near the kitten room, so she associates kittens with good things. So I've started to do that. She doesn't like to eat when she's stressed, though, so I don't know how successful it'll be.

I'm a bit worried because both the kittens are still sneezing sometimes, and Oliver still has a constant runny/stuffy nose. I'm giving them their meds and food and water and such--not sure what else to do, honestly. If they're not better by the time I go in for their next checkup, I'll ask the vet if there's anything else I can do to speed up their healing process.

In non-kitten news... uh... there is no non-kitten news.

Oh, except someone on Tumblr posted a FULL TIME WITH BENEFITS library assistant job in Amherst, MA, and I am starting to have all these fantasies of moving back to the Berkshires and going contra dancing and seeing my New England friends more often and actually having a job that could support me. Even if I somehow got the job, though, I don't have any money to move, and I'd hate to leave Kate/Hypatia/my family behind, especially when I've just started this foster kitten gig. That's the dilemma of living here. I don't always like Milwaukee, and I sometimes dream of moving to a place I'd like better, but I have roots here, and the longer I stay, the harder it is to leave.

But supporting myself... that'd be so great. I could finally breathe that huge sigh of relief I've been holding in for seven years.

From Twitter 07-07-2010

  • Jul. 8th, 2010 at 3:11 AM
notemily: Photo of me, a white girl in her mid-20s, wearing glasses, smiling, looking up and to the right (Default)

  • 01:11:21: Kitty somehow managed to take her collar off. #sneakycat
  • 01:13:23: RT @IAM_SHAKESPEARE: crown.
  • 01:13:31: .@IAM_SHAKESPEARE amuses me.
  • 01:13:51: RT @IAM_SHAKESPEARE: 1. A lively flourish of trumpets.
  • 02:08:36: RT @mlnga: A census taker once tried to test me. I ate his banana with some fava beans and a nice Chianti. #moviequoteswithbananas
  • 16:55:04: Stormy and sunny. Rainbow weather.
  • 16:59:24: Processed new YA books today, including much manga. I had fun reading the descriptions on the backs. Fronts?
  • 16:59:51: I don't usually go for manga, but I have to admit "High School Debut" looks kind of hilarious.
  • 17:00:12: The tagline is "Who doesn't need a love 'coach' in high school?" Indeed!
  • 17:24:09: Song of the day: http://bit.ly/97CXqF
  • 17:54:34: I don't realize how much I rely on my hearing until the white noise of the fan/AC drowns everything out.
  • 17:54:55: Like my phone vibrating to tell me it's time to take a pill, for example, or the kettle boiling on the stove.
  • 17:56:21: It's only 77 degrees out. I think I'll turn the AC off and get my hearing back.
  • 18:28:07: Yes, Paypal, I want to pay with my credit card. Yes, I am aware of the consequences of these actions. I AM BROKE OKAY
  • 18:48:54: Not this again RT @StormTeam4: Tornado Warning in effect for NW Dodge County until 7:00 PM
  • 19:13:20: YAY, archival prints are back at @selflesh! http://bit.ly/91IPgd #etsy
  • 19:30:19: LIKE FIVE MONTHS LATER, @WiscHumane finally got back to me to tell me they put the position "on hold." Sigh. At least I wasn't rejected?
  • 19:31:08: .@WiscHumane, I love you, but you're not great at getting back to people within a reasonable timeframe.
  • 19:33:46: Well, there goes plan Get Awesome Job At Humane Society. Next phase: plan Get Other Job Working With Animals.
  • 19:51:44: @jpetroroy Yay for Season 2!
  • 20:14:18: Sooo many emails. The emails never end....
  • 20:16:06: Having a job without health insurance is like having an apartment without heat included. It might SEEM to make/save you more money...
  • 20:16:15: ...but it's A TRAP.
  • 20:18:11: @annaham I got mine out. The pain was pretty bad but I managed to get through it on lots of ibuprofen.
  • 20:18:34: @annaham I'm scared of taking strong painkillers for what they'll do to my stomach, though. YMMV
  • 20:19:42: @LizB Negative ten.
  • 20:52:43: RT @halseanderson: Ever wonder how many signers of the Declaration of Independence got to July 7, 1776 and really wanted to call a do-over?
  • 22:50:55: I don't think it's possible for me to get into TOO much debt, because I hyperventilate if I spend over $100 on any one thing.
  • 22:51:09: Still, I'm glad my credit limit is relatively low.
  • 23:28:10: "Whoa, benzosothyazolonal?" "Do you know what that is?" "...No." #csiny
  • 23:55:21: Hey it's Jack Hodgins as a rare book dealer! #csiny

Tweets copied by twittinesis.com

Apr. 5th, 2010

  • 6:44 PM
notemily: Photo of me, a white girl in her mid-20s, wearing glasses, smiling, looking up and to the right (little miss sunshine - primal scream)
We took Hypatia to her first visit with her new vet today! We had been putting off taking her back to the old vet for her rabies and distemper vaccine updates, because we didn't really like the old vet. The doctor was fine, but the clinic itself wasn't great about communicating with us when we took her to get spayed.

The new vet is the one my parents take their doggy to, and it's also much closer to our house. Miss H was kind of freaked out, especially when there were some barking noises coming from behind the door, and she wouldn't stay on the scale to be weighed so it was hard to get a reading on that. But she didn't cry out or even flinch when she got vaccinated, just shed black and white fur all over the place. The vet gave her a clean bill of health and said her new vaccines will be good for three years. She also said Hypatia has a great face. <3.

This gets me one step closer to my dream of fostering kittens, because now teh kitty is up to date on shots and certified healthy. I've been so depressed this week, though, that I'm finding myself going "They'll never approve me to foster kittens, my apartment is too small and how could I ever think I would be a good person to do that," and other defeatist messages. I have this vision of the humane society people coming here and scrutinizing my apartment with disapproving looks on their faces. And then they'll turn me down and also never give me a job there because they think I'm irresponsible.

I don't know if the depression is due to the medication change or the fact that for my birthday my parents are no longer helping support me financially so I have to find a full-time job with health benefits (that start RIGHT AWAY), like, tomorrow. I don't want it to be the meds because if it's the meds then my doc will probably put me back on the higher dose of wellbutrin which gave me heart palpitations and shortness of breath. I would rather not have to be on a med that makes me feel like I'm going to pass out. That's not one of those things like dry mouth that's annoying but tolerable. It's more... scary. I feel like I can't exert myself at all, and any little bit of anxiety triggers the not being able to breathe feeling.

(Either that or he will put me on a new med entirely and then I will have to get used to that. While job searching.)

But if it's not the meds then I'm stuck in this endless loop of, I'm super depressed, but i have to find a job, but I don't feel capable of doing that while I'm depressed, but if I don't get a job I can't afford my therapy and meds... etc.

notemily: The top of a row of books (misc - books)
Sometimes I think I like library school. I saw an anonymous comment on John Green's blog about the uselessness of libraries, and I felt compelled to provide some edifying information, most of which I learned in library school. I even looked up citations. But spreading information to people who think libraries are unnecessary, even on teh intarwebs, is way more satisfying than writing papers to someone who already knows that stuff.

I will defend libraries as long as I can still speak/type, though I won't do the same for information science education. It's not that I don't find learning about libraries and librarianship interesting. The problem is that too little of library school is about those things. I often wish I had enrolled when UWM still had the old, library-focused core.

I have two incompletes now, both in core classes. My motivation just... ran out. No battery life left. None. I'm resting now, taking a semester off, although this does not make my parents happy. It doesn't make them as unhappy as it could, though, for which I am grateful. I still expect them to fight me on everything.

I might be able to go back later, finish up. I suppose I could see myself doing that. But I'd need help. Lots of it. When one of my professors suggested in an e-mail that I seek help from the student accessibility center and said she was willing to help me however she could, I almost cried. She actually asked if I was okay instead of berating me for my laziness, lateness, undone assignments. I spend so much time waiting for the axe to fall that when someone shows me some kindness, I am overwhelmed.

Anyway, for now I am going to work with my shrink on exploring alternate career options, and rest, and read, and meditate (track my progress (I love that site)), and take some time without assignments.

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